


Sins and Sympathizers

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Holding Hands, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kind of a slow burn, Kissing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Sad, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Survivor Guilt, Sweet, You've been warned, all the feels, i just wanted them to kiss, serious spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 05:42:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20989787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Soo this is really just an excuse to see them kiss haha. Spoilers for anyone not past Chapter 17 of Azure Moon route. Click only if you've played that part or are a rebel.Dimitri and Byleth have a bit of a heart-to-heart post Chapter 17 spoiler that slowly becomes a little more intimate.





	Sins and Sympathizers

**Author's Note:**

> So I literally just finished Chapter 17 of Azure Moon and wanted to get this out of the way. I'm a huge supporter of the Dimitri/Byleth ship. Pretty much this is just an add-on from the two's conversation at the end of Chapter 17 post-Rodrigue's death (see I told you spoilers) with some extra dialogue and stuff.
> 
> And being the romance fan that I am, their relationship is a little more than just friendship at this point, but not officially in the romantic zone. He calls her his beloved friend and she calls him her dearest friend, which may later just be shortened to his beloved and her dearest.
> 
> Also, pro advice, don't ever look at sad Dimitri pictures or write a sad Dimitri while listening to the Nier Automata soundtrack. I literally cried three times, enough times where someone thought I was having an allergy attack. 
> 
> But hey, if you're the type to listen to sad music while being sad, I highly recommend the tracks Vague Hope from Nier Automata and Kaine's Salvation. I prefer the orchestral version, but both work. Up to you if you want to listen to music.
> 
> Anyway, don't know if anyone read this much, but here we go. This is Sins and Sympathizers.

Rodrigue was dead. It had all happened so fast that the weight of his death didn’t even completely hit Byleth until she saw the grave marker. She had gone to see her father again that evening and had walked past the freshly dug grave. The sight of it made her freeze, and reality hit. Another ally. Another marker in the ground.

The weather was grey over the monastery, and a cold, dreary rain poured down over the grounds and enhanced the smell of fresh soil and stone. Byleth stood in front of the graves for a very long time. Longer than she usually spent here. She should’ve felt sorrow or fear, but she felt an empty numbness echo through her body. She was used to seeing death. How many people had she sent to the next life after all? But she was, and likely would never become, accustomed to burying her friends.

After standing long enough for the cold to settle in her bones, Byleth began the lonely walk back to her room. But this time, she decided to take the longer route as a way to clear her mind. Even though at this point her mint-green hair was soaked through, and she was likely to get sick if she stayed any longer, she needed time to just think about the next plan. But walking past the stables, she saw a figure walking towards the gates. She stopped and turned, and saw the quick flash of a familiar cloak disappear around a corner. Immediately, a sense of panic and frustration overcame all reason.

Dimitri. She hadn’t seen him much since Rodrigue was buried. After what happened, what would he do next?

She quickened her pace, and instead of directly going after him she went around the side of the building, taking a different route and sprinting. Thankfully, right as he was about to round the building, Byleth intercepted him. Running right in front of him, causing him to stop in his tracks while she breathed rapidly.

"What do you want?" He growled at her.

“Where are you going?” She demanded, keeping her tone stern and trying to sound like the professor she was supposed to be.

“It doesn't concern you.”

“You’re still my student, so it actually does concern me.”

He glared at her, anger burning just barely beneath the surface. “Get out of my way. Now.” It didn’t sound like a demand, more like a warning. As if he was going to strike out and kill her.

Byleth didn’t move, narrowing her eyes and scowling. “No.”

For a moment, she thought he was going to strike. That she’d see another glimpse of the beast within. But he didn’t and tried to walk around her. She matched in equal like a dance. “You're going to Enbarr, aren't you?”

Silence. He turned his face and made an angry grunt.

Byleth gritted her teeth. “I knew it. Do you really think that will appease the dead?! You think running off and getting yourself killed with make them stop?! It won’t, Dimitri! It won't, and you know it!”

“Silence.” He snapped the words at her harshly like a whip. “You have no idea what you're talking about. Death is the end. No matter how much lingering regret a person has, after death, they are powerless. They cannot even wish for revenge, much less seek it out. Hatred, regret, those burdens fall on the shoulders of those who are left behind.”

Byleth stood like a statue. Strong and unmoving.

“And so I must continue down this path! I already told you as much! It is far too late to stop.”

As much as she was angry at him, as much as she wanted to scream at him, Byleth still felt her heart crack like old marble. Dimitri, despite all of this, was someone precious to her. He offered her kindness and sympathy when her father died, and they had spent so much time together. He was precious to her, which is why no matter how much it hurt, she refused to back down.

“You're wrong. There is  _ always _ another way.”

“Do not waste your breath with some nonsense about how I should move on with my life for their sake!” He snapped back at her “That is merely the logic of the living… its meaningless.” He turned away, looking at some point at the wall. Somewhere a million miles and what felt like a million lifetimes ago. “Those who died with lingering regret… they will not lose their hold on me so easily…" He looked to the sky, his face obscured by his blonde hair and eyepatch, making it impossible for Byleth to read his expression. 

“But you seem to have all the answers…” His voice was softer now. Laced with years of exhaustion and sorrow. “So tell me, professor. Please, tell me… how do I silence their desperate pleas? How do I…” His voice cracked, and it sent another crack through Byleth’s chest as he asked her, begging for an answer, “How do I save them?”

She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She knew dozens of sword techniques, she could list the name of every noble in the land along with their history and Crests. Hell, she knew how to win against what seemed like impossible battles when they were greatly outnumbered. But that question, that one question was something she could provide no answer to. And… it was unlikely anyone could.

“Ever since that day nine years ago… I have only lived to avenge the fallen. Even my times at the Officer's Academy was all so that I could secure my revenge and clear away the regret of the dead.”

Dimitri spoke sincerely, the first time he had done so since they had reunited. “It was the only thing that kept me alive… my only reason to keep moving forward.” His hands were shaking in the cold. He must’ve been freezing. How long had he been out here, she wondered.

Byleth felt rain run down her face. “Dimitri… You've suffered enough… you must forgive yourself.”

He finally looked at her again. His expression was softer as he looked at her. He let out a sound that vaguely resembled a scoff, but it was weak.

He turned to face her. He was drenched from the rain. His good eye reflected a lifetime’s burden of guilt and sorrow. There, standing in the rain, he looked more alone than he had ever been before.

"...But then who, or what, should I live for?" He asked. The last traces of madness and rage were gone, leaving nothing but a shadow.

Byleth frowned and thought for only a moment. “Live for what you believe in.” She echoed the last few words Rodrigue had said.

Dimitri looked… surprised at the words. "What I believe in…" He echoed back as if he hadn’t quite heard the words right. Then he laughed a small, broken sound. “Rodrigue said the same thing. But is it possible…?” He glanced at his hands. “I am a murderous monster. My hands are stained red-!” He clenched his hands together briefly as if trying to grasp something only he could see. “Could one such as I truly hope for such a thing? As the sole survivor of that day, do I… do I have the right to live for myself?"

Byleth felt an aching in her core. Dimitri was someone she knew she cared about, ever since they met. And every moment after that fateful night when bandits attacked, that opinion hadn’t changed. Every tea invitation, every time she instructed him one-on-one, every time she had helped adjust his grip on a sword or showed him the right way to approach the horses without scaring them, even down to the little side compliments he made about her only solidified how much she knew she cared for him. Whenever he was the one to compliment her ability to fight, it meant more than a thousand people saying the same words. Whenever he was the one to want to see her smile… it gave her a sense of warmth and belonging.

She knew she cared about him greatly, and being gone for five years didn’t weaken those feelings. If anything, those years gone had made them stronger. It hurt so much more seeing him in such pain. More than anything, she wanted to make it go away just to see him smile once again.

But she knew that there was a part of Dimitri that was broken. He was a deeply disturbed person, there was always a darkness in him. She knew it from the moment they met, and it clung to him like a stain that wouldn’t wash away. She just wished that she knew five years ago. Maybe she could’ve done something? 

No… even back then, she knew she couldn’t have done anything. Byleth could’ve spent days, months trying, but what would she have accomplished? Even with her power gifted by Sothis, she knew she couldn’t heal those kinds of wounds. To do so would eat away at her soul. That was something she couldn’t give up. Not when her other students needed her or the body count of the war grew higher and higher. She couldn’t and chose not to waste her time trying to repair what she couldn’t fix. But she knew she could push him to heal on his own.

She was a professor still, and it was her job to push her students in the right direction.

Byleth clasped her hands together. “I can't make them go away.” Dimitri kept staring at her. “I wish I could silence them, Dimitri. I truly wish I could. But I can't. That's a battle you have to fight, and it's a terrible battle I just can't win for you.” She was trembling as she spoke. Right as she saw his expression begin to darken, right as he began to retreat back into that isolated cave of darkness and hatred, she said, “But even though I can't fight it for you, I will fight it beside you. I will be right behind you as you fight, and I will help you when you stumble.”

He went still. 

“I'll always be right behind you, even if you can't see or hear me. But the only way I can do that is if you take the first step down that road.” She held out a hand to him, just like before. “We will walk down that road together, but you have to take the first step on your own.”

There was a long, agonizing silence as he looked at her hand. Then, almost absent-mindedly, he extended his own hand to hers. Byleth clasped her fingers around his tightly like a lifeline, swearing to never let him go. Never again. She did that with both hands, holding his freezing hands in hers.

"... Your hands are so warm. Have they always been?" He muttered.

Byleth tightened her grip a little. The two stood there for a long moment with the only conversation being the rain that didn’t look like it was going to let up any time soon.

Finally, he looked up again. His hands were shaking more noticeably now, and that numbness was growing stronger in Byleth’s bones.

“Dimitri…?”

He stared at her; while he no longer seemed to carry that darkness, he still looked so alone in the rain.

“Come, let’s get inside before we both catch our deaths.” She offered a small smile. “It’s been a while since we had tea together, you know. Bet I still know what your favorite is.”

He almost smiled, but not quite. He simply nodded once and followed.

The two walked back towards the direction of the monastery, Byleth still holding his hand in hers tightly. Never wanting to let him go again. No one was out this late in the evening, not anymore. The only ones present were the gatekeeper, who gave them a friendly nod of acknowledgment.  _ At least someone can smile in times like this. _

The two of them walked through empty halls and corridors until they came back to Byleth’s room. It was isolated and quiet enough that no one would likely come by. But she hesitated, knowing that Dedue’s empty room was next to hers.

Ever since she had gotten back, she had made sure to go by his room every now and then to clean it. Despite knowing Dedue was dead, it felt wrong to just leave his room covered in dust. As if she hoped one day he would come back.

Dimitri stared at the closed door as if he were going to break down at the sight of it. Only for a moment though, as he quickly turned his face away from looking at it, as if it caused him physical pain to look, and the two walked into Byleth’s room. The moment the door was closed, Byleth could feel the numbness start to fade. But it was a slow process as she let go of Dimitri’s hand and walked to where she kept her spare mugs. Not the ornate china provided by the kitchen, but her own set she had bought on a journey with her father many years ago and would keep close when staying up late to plan lessons.

The kettle she used sat on her desk. It was an ugly iron thing that had been dented on the bottom, and the cups were chipped a little and the paint had faded. She was almost embarrassed putting them out but knew that in times like this it was lucky she had them at all. She was also glad that earlier she had gotten hot water from the kitchen, but had left it to cool since it had burned her fingertips when she had tested the water earlier.

Dimitri looked around the room silently, a look of curiosity and surprise on his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever been invited here before, professor.” He remarked. “I suppose it isn’t much different from my own room, but even so… I can tell this one is yours.”

Byleth looked at him while she dug through her things blindly in an effort to find the right tea. Specifically, chamomile. “How so?”

He walked a little further into the room, the floorboards creaking a little as he stepped. “I’m not sure exactly… it just feels like it’s your room.” He looked at her desk, which was a mess of papers and books. “What are all those for?”

She looked briefly at her desk before turning back to rummaging through her large collection of teas and vowing to herself that she’d one day organize everything. “Those are a mix of tests I have planned for everyone and some documents I got from Seteth.”

Dimitri looked to her, amazed. “You’re able to go through so much work alone?”

She made a face. “Well, it takes me a few nights. I usually don’t sleep well and am up until the early hours of the morning, so I have a lot of time.”

Dimitri crossed his arms. He was still shaking, but it was more noticeable now. “You never mentioned that.”

She pierced her lips in a line of contemplation. “I guess no one really bothered to ask… it doesn’t matter though…” Finally finding the chamomile, Byleth set the small box down next to the kettle and glanced at Dimitri. “You must be freezing.”

He shook his head. “J-Just a bit chilled is all.”

She sighed a bit. “You can take off your cloak and armor. You’ll be less likely to catch a cold.”

He hesitated for a long moment. “Professor is that really-?”

“I can’t have you getting ill,” She lectured while measuring the right amount of leaves for two people.

Really having no other option other than to freeze to death, he did as suggested. While Byleth let the tea steep, he hung his soaked cloak over a hook in the wall and undid his cold metal platemail, resting it against the wall by the door. It was odd seeing him wear something so simple; a white shirt and black trousers. He looked almost like a normal commoner and would’ve if not for the way that he composed himself. Even in his grief-stricken state, he still had that posture of someone with authority.

Beneath it all, it was still Dimitri. And beneath the armor, with his arms now more visible, she could see the rows of scars trailing up and down his arms. Old and healed surely, but prominent nonetheless. Likely the damage was done from a whip and thinking just how exactly he likely got those scars made Byleth almost drop the cups in anger.

A minute later, the two of them sat on the edge of Byleth’s bed, each holding a chipped cup in their grasps. Dimitri didn’t touch his though, mostly staring at the darkening liquid with a distant look on his face. He wasn’t shaking as much now, but she wondered if he was freezing still.

“Professor… ” He spoke up.

“Yes?” Byleth took a sip of her tea.

He looked at her. “Why do you insist on staying by my side? Surely, after everything that has happened, you would have every reason to leave me behind.”

“I told you before,” She replied. “You’re my student. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re alright. No matter what.”

He looked back to his mug and took a cautious sip. “I treated you horribly though…” He hung his head in shame. “I treated my closest companions as my enemies… they must be furious… ”

Byleth frowned a little. “They aren’t mad at you, Dimitri. They’re just… worried. As friends should be when someone they care about is suffering.”

“I don’t like people worrying over me…” His expression darkened. “Dedue… he died so I could get away…”

Byleth got closer and put a gentle hand on his arm. “I miss him too,” He looked to Byleth as she said sadly, “You did everything you could, but there… there just is no way to completely ensure everyone will survive.” She looked away. “Believe me, I know that you can do everything right and still lose people. I understand that guilt, believe me.”

His expression softened into concern. “You speak as if you’ve watched us die already, professor.”

She almost laughed.  _ You have no idea, Dimitri… I wish I could tell you just how many times I watched you all die and went back, over and over again to fix it. _ “I’m your professor, it’s my job to keep you all safe. But there’s only so much I can do on the battlefield.” Her heart sank more. “Ever since the moment you all first stepped out on the battlefield, I’ve worried about losing any of you.”

Dimitri reached out a hand, and gently brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “It seems we still hold that in common…”

They were both quiet for a very long time.

“Thank you for this.” He spoke up again, “I didn’t realize how much I missed being in your company like this, professor.”

She made a face. “You don’t need to call me professor, Dimitri.”

He looked... surprised. “Then… what should I call you?”

She smiled a little. “Byleth. It’s my name after all and… I’d like to called that again.”

He hesitated. To be fair, she had never asked him to call her by her name before, so it wasn’t extremely surprising. “Very well,” He nodded. “If that is what you want, then I will call you Byleth…” They both fell silent, surprised. It was her name, but coming from Dimitri it sounded foreign. “Byleth,” He repeated, adjusting to the sound. Then he smiled a little and took another sip of his tea. “As you wish, Byleth.” 

She laughed a little and remained sitting next to him. Hand still on his arm. He made no effort to move away. If anything, he was inclined closer to her. They sat shoulder to shoulder, no words, just the presence of one another in that room.

Funny, how long had it been since Byleth had sat with anyone like this? The only time she had was with Sothis, but now Sothis was no more… and without her, Byleth realized just how lonely she was not to have that company.

Byleth finished her tea and set it on the stand next to the bed. The clouds outside had grown darker and more sinister, and the wind started to resemble the sounds cats made when they fought. “It’s getting worse out there…”

Dimitri looked at the windows briefly, frowning as he finished off the rest of his tea and set the mug down on the same stand. “It rained like this when Dedue died…” He muttered softly.

Byleth looked at him, eyes wide. Then she looked at his scarred arms. “Is… is that how you…”

He looked at his arms blankly. “No… those were made over the years of fighting… the ones Cornelia made…” He gestured subtly to his back. “They don’t hurt anymore, but on days like this, it feels as if every wound on my body has been cut open and are bleeding…” He went silent.

Byleth, gently, spoke up, “You don’t have to tell me what happened to you on that day. Not if you don’t want to. But if you do, those words will stay in this room.”

He thought for a long moment. Then he began to speak. “He came to my side right as the axe was over my neck… he was covered in blood and wearing a guard’s uniform…” Dimitri’s gaze when glassy. “The first thing he did was apologize for not protecting me… he… he looked absolutely distraught when he saw what had happened to my eye and blamed himself for not being there sooner.”

Byleth remained silent.

“We ran… but we didn’t get far before guards cut us off… one of them swung at me with a sword. I didn’t have a weapon, and I was prepared to die-” His voice choked. “Dedue… he ran in front of me and managed to deflect the blade. It hit him in the chest though… and then he told me to run and…” He made a pained gasping noise. “I ran… I just ran and I left him behind…” 

Byleth squeezed his arm. “You don’t have to say anything more about this if it’s too painful.” She was glad he was opening up to her about his time while she was gone for five years, but was afraid he’d break at the memory.

He shook his head. “N-No, it’s fine…” He took a deep breath, calming down after a moment. “After that, I fled and, well… you know the rest… I became lost, and even now I still anticipate my death one day on the battlefield.” He hung his head. “Dedue has yet to join the ghosts that follow me… but I keep waiting for him to appear one day.”

“I’m so sorry…” She whispered.

He looked to her, his expression was unreadable. “Byleth… I didn’t know if you were dead… you were never there when I saw my family. But you were there in every nightmare I’ve had for the last five years…”

“What? ”

He shifted his position to look at her, and Byleth was caught off-guard when his other hand moved to her face. She was frozen, unprepared for such a gesture as he ran his long fingers along her jawline. His expression was one of longing. Longing… and regret.

“I’m no stranger to nightmares.” He spoke quietly, “I see Duscur, my family’s deaths, Glenn’s death, I see them every night as if I’m there living it again… but for the last five years, you would also be there…”

“I-I was?”

His shoulder sank, and he seemed to be somewhere else. Somewhere he didn’t want to be from the look of pain on his face. “Sometimes you’d appear next to me like some kind of silent figure, and you’d have a look of sadness on your face. Other times you’d be waiting on the other side of the battlefield, watching. I’d even see you smiling at me, and for a moment… I’d feel safer.” He gritted his teeth. “In a way, it was the most painful torture I had ever experienced. I could never get to you, I would try to reach you, but you’d always be just out of reach. You were never killed, you were never hurt, you were just there. Out of my grasp. I wanted to be with you, but you were always,  _ always _ out of reach. I figured it was another form of punishment, like how you put water just inches out of grasp to a dying man.” Tears ran down his face. He was shaking. “It was a torture I thought I deserved, and one worse than anything Cornelia could come up with. I’d rather be whipped bloody or have my eye cut out again than be subjected to that torture.” The tears did not stop. “But when I saw you… I treated you like my worst enemy… I treated someone who’s given me so much like my enemy…”

Without hesitating, Byleth put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a long, overdue embrace. He went still, unsure how to react to the gesture.

“I’m here. I’m here now and I swear that this time, I won’t leave you again, Dimitri.” She hushed him gently, like how one soothes a child who recently woke up from a nightmare.

After a beat, she felt his arms wrap around her tightly. He was still trembling, and Byleth held him closely, gently running fingers through his hair. Her chest was aching, and she felt light-headed from the gesture. Dimitri buried his face into her shoulder, and all she really could do was hold him. She could hear him breathing rapidly, and underneath she could hear quiet weeping. Then after a moment he muttered into her shoulder, “Words can’t properly express the gratitude I feel that you are still here…” She felt him bury his face against the soft crook of her neck. “I truly missed you… and I’m so… so sorry how I’ve treated you…”

She felt her breath hitch for a moment at the pain in his voice. She knew that she wanted to protect him, wanted to fight what she could for him. But there were battles they had to fight alone, and she promised herself she wouldn’t be the one to stitch his soul back together.

But there was a longing in her. She longed to be in his arms, to feel him close to her and…

Dimitri straightened a little, tears were still streaming down his cheek. “A-Apologies… I lost composure for a moment…” Byleth moved her hand gently, and brushed the tears away with her thumb. The two sat there, mere inches from each other’s faces.

_ This is insane. _

He hesitated. “Profess- Byleth, I mean…”

_ This makes things complicated. _

Byleth ran her hand under his chin, and he froze. She carefully studied his face; he really was beautiful, even now. Her scarred fingers seemed out of place compared to his beautiful face.

_ I have no idea what I’m doing. _

Dimitri sat quietly. “B-Byleth, I-” his face was slightly pink from embarrassment. “I… I’m afraid I’m at a loss for what I should say now.”

She laughed a little. "You don't need to say anything…"

Then she closed the distance, and with a touch no more delicate than a bird’s feather, she brushed her lips against his cheek.

Dimitri pulled back and looked surprised. "Byleth, you-!"

She felt her face burn with embarrassment. "S-Sorry, I should've asked you first."

"N-No-!" He quickly reassured. "I'm not upset, I just…" he looked away for a moment, his cheeks had a soft rose hue to them.

"What?"

"I… I've never had anyone kiss me before is all.” He looked embarrassed.

"No one at all?"

"No one at all, I… I'm afraid I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

She gave him a slight little smile, her face feeling as if it were on fire. "You could kiss me back."

His expression softened. The silence between the two of them was loud and apparent.

“Do I even have the right to think of such a thing?” He asked quietly.

She remained still, but managed a short little nod as an attempt to, well, encourage him. Though she had no idea if he would.

Then Dimitri raised a hand, hesitated, but leaned closer, threading his fingers through Byleth’s hair. The sensation sent a chill through her, and she sucked on a shallow breath. She looked into his face; his eye, blue like a frozen lake, stared at her. She could practically hear his heart pounding against his chest as he looked over her face. She had no idea what he was thinking. Then he took her chin, bringing her closer. Each passing second felt like hours, leaving her wavered breathing as his soft lips brushed against hers. The distance between them disappeared, and she closed her eyes as he gave her a single, soft kiss.

Nothing but the sound of the rain could be heard from the outside. He was shaking as he pulled away, much too soon for her liking.

“Dimitri, you’re shaking.” Byleth cupped his cheek.

“I-I’m fine.”

“This doesn’t have to go any further. We can stop. Pretend this never happened.”

He looked at her with a look of longing. “Is that what you want?” Byleth shook her head, and he exhaled a long, rattled breath. “It’s not what I want either…”

Dimitri hesitated, then leaned in slowly, lightly kissing her bottom lip once, twice. Lingering close, he worked his hand down her neck, sending chills through Byleth’s core. She felt as if he stalled any longer she’d likely die of, well, she didn’t know what exactly... but she had a feeling she'd die.

Finally, they both gave in, and she slid her lips over his for a long, very overdue kiss.

She was drunk. She was hooked as the sensation of fire flowed through her veins, soaking every nerve until they were piqued with sensation.

There wasn’t any turning back now.

The next kiss unfolded as if kissing him was as natural as swinging a sword or remembering how to cast fire. Her entire body felt both dulled with intoxication and heightened with awareness. Every touch, every sound, the scent of chamomile on his lips, the feeling of his hands threading through her hair. 

Dimitri pulled away, pressing his forehead against hers. “Byleth…” His voice was hoarse. She pressed her lips against his, causing him to sigh against her mouth. He pulled her closer. Letting her body curve against his.

She gently and slowly traced her fingers over his shoulders, uncertain if the slightest touch on any of his scars would make him recoil. He didn’t, and she slowly traced the curve of his muscles and joints.

Byleth slid her fingers up his stomach and felt chills roll through his body like small earthquakes, and when her hands reached for his chest, he grabbed them and held her hands there. She could almost feel his heartbeat against her palm. She threaded her hands through his, pressing them deeper into his chest, and his hands were moving quicker than her thoughts, wrapping around her, drawing her in until she felt her body burn with warmth.

This made things complicated. But for a moment, they didn’t have to worry about the war. They didn’t have to worry about Edelgard, or Those Who Slither in the Dark. They were two people who hadn’t seen each other in a very long time, two people who never thought they’d see each other again.

Here was safe. Here the world couldn’t hurt them. Here, there was just the two of them.

They had to pull away eventually. Though they had no idea just how much time had passed between them. Dimitri examined Byleth’s face, that same look of longing on his face. His lips glistened slightly in the low candlelight. He cupped her cheek gently, and she stared back at him, not wanting to stop but knowing that they had to eventually.

He almost looked better. Not really, he still looked absolutely exhausted. But this was an improvement.

“I-I…” He muttered. “I… I should leave…”

Byleth leaned her head against his palm. Icy to the touch. “You still feel cold…” She spoke, but her voice sounded hoarse.

He pressed his forehead against hers. “I don’t want to intrude on you any more than I have.”

“You’ve never been a bother to me.” The wind outside howled through the buildings, sounding like the wailing of dead spirits. Byleth glanced at the dark clouds outside the windows. “You should stay, at least until the rain stops. Is that alright with you?”

He hesitated again but then thought for a moment. “Yes…” 

She nodded and pulled him closer into an embrace, and held him close. Not wanting to let go again.

-

At some point, the two just lay in Byleth’s bed; Dimitri in her arms, all stiffness of his body turned loose as she held him. Byleth had one arm around his shoulders, the other hand gripping his hair. He felt a little uneasy, being held like this and sharing a bed even though they had drawn the line at kissing, especially since they were so close due to how the beds in the monastery were made for one person each.

But that wasn’t his ultimate concern. For Dimitri, pain engulfed him. Every one of his scars ached as if they had been reopened. He felt exhausted, and truly wished that he was in some form of pain like a deep wound or broken bone. Just so there could be something besides misery.

“Has the rain stopped for you?” She asked softly.

He nodded. “As much as it can,” He was quiet for a long time, then he muttered, “I can’t keep watching them die.”

“I know…” She squeezed him tighter, tracing a gentle touch over the side of his jaw. “Dimitri, my dearest friend…” She tensed. “S-Sorry, that just… ”

He felt his heartbeat quicken. “I… I like how it sounds - being yours.” His throat went dry. “Say it again.”

“My dearest.”

He kissed her gently, compelled by her words, by his desperation to feel something good in this misery. His lips broke free, and he cupped her face. “You are everything to me. I never had the chance to say it before, but I need you to know that.”

She dragged her fingers down his raw cheeks, wiping away what was left of his tears. “I understand.”

Shame slithered through him. “I-I shouldn’t be weak like this.”

“Why? You cry, and thus that proves you’re still human.”

“I’m not a human, not anymore, I’m-”

Before he could finish calling himself a monster, she cut through the words swiftly. “I’ve seen you bleed, I’ve seen you weep and laugh. I already knew you were human, and you’ve always been human. You’re not allowed to call yourself a monster anymore.” She looked into his good eye. “If you do, I’ll put you on rubble cleaning duty with Seteth for a month.”

He laughed a little, the first time in a long time. It was a weak sound, but it was alive. He could tell that she was relieved to hear that sound come from him. Though she didn’t show much emotion, at this point he knew when she was happy or upset from the little cues in her face, body language, and subtle expressions.

Odd… he didn’t even realize how much he had paid attention to that. Or how much he had wanted to kiss her before. His mind raced through what they had done, the feel of her hands and lips, how warm her hands were, how he wanted to spend hours just in her arms. He wanted to stay like this always, side by side with her.  _ Maybe I love her. _ He wasn’t at any capacity to decide, but the steady calm she had given him was the closest thing he had ever felt for anyone.

“Thank you… my beloved friend.” He hesitated. “I-I hope you don’t mind if I call you that…”

She looked surprised. But then smiled. “I don’t mind…”

He rested his head against her shoulder, holding her in his arms. His lungs were raw and he took a long, pained breath. “Can we stay here for a while?” He closed his eye, resting against her and relishing in the feeling of her gentle, warm touch.

She nestled him closer. “As long as you’d like, my dearest.”

-

For the first time in a very long time, the nightmares that had haunted Dimitri for years were absent. He had expected to see Rodrigue’s death unfold again, as well as the death of his father, stepmother, and Glenn for the thousandth time.

But this time, he dreamt of nothing. There were no good dreams either, just darkness. It was a deep, empty sleep. Sleep he welcomed if it meant he could have one night without hearing the screams and cries of the people who died.

However, he found himself slowly drifting back to the world of consciousness too soon. His eye opened, and the first thing he thought was that he was having another nightmare. One where Byleth was just out of reach. And then he realized that he was still wrapped tightly in her arms. The windows outside were pitch black, and the rain hadn’t let up at all. The wind howled furiously outside, as if the world was screaming over Rodrigue’s death. The candles had all burnt out in the room, all except for one on the nightstand by Byleth’s bed. But he could see, even in the dying light that it was reaching the end of it’s life and had to be moments away from burning out. Dimitri rested his head against her chest, not wanting to leave her arms. She had no heartbeat, that much he knew. Tonight was no different, he heard nothing as he rested his ear against her chest. But he could hear her soft breathing, and the sound was a little soothing to him. She had no heartbeat, but she was no less alive. He had a feeling he should’ve left, but here the world was safe. Here, no one could hurt him.

But then in the fading candle light, he could see them. The familiar outlines of his father, stepmother, and Glenn watching him from the corner. Never far away afterall.

Dimitri felt his heart pound in fear and guilt at the sight of them, but then he registered Byleth holding him. Instead of screaming or yelling, he shifted a little, and held her tightly in his arms, one hand entwined in her emerald-colored hair and the other held her around her waist. He buried his own face into the curve of her neck, blocking out his view of the ghosts that were always close by, holding Byleth as if doing so could make them go away.

But they didn’t. She had said so herself. She can’t make them disappear. But with her here, it wasn’t as terrifying to see them. The world was still safe here.

Dimitri glanced briefly at the ghosts, all three stared at him with cold, unfeeling eyes. Then he spoke, low and threatening, “You’re not welcome here. Get out.”

They stared for a very long time, less like an omnipotent force in the room now, and more like the reflections in a mirror. Unwanted, but unable to do anything.

He heard her exhale in her sleep, and lean into his hold more. The candle burned out, and the ghosts vanished along with the light. 

He felt a sense of relief at this, grateful that tonight, if only tonight, the ghosts would leave him alone. Then he felt sleep pulling at him to come back, and he nestled his way back into her arms, holding her close to his body protectively.

Before he did fall asleep though, he muttered more to himself than anyone, “Thank you, my beloved…” Then he gently placed a kiss on her forehead and drifted back to the safety of that dreamless sleep.

He hoped that when this war ended, and if they both stood alive at the end of it, he could hold her like this always. He hoped he could live long enough to be with her like this for even a moment. It was something that pushed him to live for another day. 

For the first time in a very long time, Dimitri felt whole. He felt the weight of guilt leave for a little while. For once… he felt at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this little piece, this is my first time ever posting to this site. Maybe I'll write more of this later if people are interested? We'll see! :)
> 
> Edit: Holy cow I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me Kudos and the few of you who bookmarked this story! It makes me really happy to know that this little snippet was pretty well-received!
> 
> Thank you all so much!


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